Perfectionism = Legalism

Perfectionism = Legalism

OUCH!! This was my revelation this morning.

For those that know me well, you know that I wrestle constantly with perfection. Countless times I have began writing a book entitled “Perils of Perfection”, only to tear it up and begin again because it wasn’t “Perfect”. To many this may seem absurd. Of course I am not perfect, nor will I ever be (this side of Heaven). There was only one man that ever walked this earth that was perfect, and I am certainly not Him!! But despite my intellect continually screaming this reality at me, I continue to strive for perfection.

I have found this to be both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing when it forces me to do my very best. It is a blessing when I am helping someone in need. I am certainly not going to give them less than my personal best! It is a blessing when it makes me want to be a better person.

It is a curse when it keeps me from accomplishing anything. It is a curse when my children feel like they are not “good enough” because my expectations are unrealistic and unattainable. It is a curse when it becomes so paralyzing that I can no longer function within the realms of reality.

Roughly 15 years ago, perfectionism almost became my complete undoing. After being faced with a situation ~ and ironically, actually succeeding at it ~ the stress of it came crashing over me so fiercely that it literally knocked me off my feet. Subsequently, I suffered an emotional breakdown, was forced to take a Family Medical Leave of Absence from my job, and began counseling. Unfortunately, the counseling did not help me at all, as it was not Bible-based, and thus we never truly addressed the root of the problem. I ended up quitting my job (which was where the problem began) and did a complete 180 on my career path. In essence, I swept the issue under the proverbial rug and entered back into my own sense of warped reality.

Fast forward now all these years later, and this past weekend I once again allowed perfectionism to overcome my physical self and try to paralyze and keep me from doing what I know God has called me to do. Although I did not immediately recognize it for what it was, I was blessed to be surrounded by people who unknowingly addressed the very issues I was internally battling.

As I began to contemplate the ramifications of what they were saying, the Holy Spirit began a new work within me. Over the course of the past 4 days, I have not been able to let go of this issue. Finally, I received a new revelation this morning.

Perfectionism = Legalism.

Ugh!!

As someone who grew up indoctrinated in legalism, I can assure you this is the last place I want to be!! And yet, here I am smack in the middle of it once again. You see, legalism tells you that if you do not follow the letter of the law, there is no hope for you. Legalism tells you that one mistake results in judgment and condemnation. Legalism tells you that you will never be “good enough”.

But my God tells me, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” ~ Romans 8:1. My God tells me “He is the God of hope, and He will fill me with all joy and peace in believing, so that I will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~ Romans 15:13. My God says that “I am made in His image, according to His likeness. ~ Genesis 1:26.

So with this new revelation begins a new journey for me. I covet your prayers at this time in my life. Making character and identity changes are never an easy task. However, I am excited to live out 2 Corinthians 5:17, which states “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” I am proud to say that I am a daughter of the King, and I am putting off my old self to become a new creation in Him.

I am going to start this journey by not correcting the mistakes that I have already found in this writing. For all of you English & Grammar majors, please do not cringe too much. J

Halloween

During this time of year, I am often asked why my family chooses not to celebrate Halloween, so I wanted to take this opportunity to express our convictions. Before I do however, I want to make it clear that I in no way stand in judgment of anyone that chooses to celebrate this holiday – that is neither my place nor my desire. The Holy Spirit is the only one that can bring about convictions, and He has certainly done that in our lives.

When my oldest two children were little, both my husband and myself did celebrate Halloween. At that time, I viewed the holiday as completely harmless. It was fun to dress my boys in cute little costumes and take them around to family and friends, showing them off and letting them get candy. Quite frankly, I never thought beyond just that, as to what the holiday was actually about. In my mind, it was completely innocent.

A few years later, a friend and I were talking about why she chose to not celebrate Halloween. At that time, I must admit that I thought she was completely over-the-top and just a bit too “fanatic” for me. Although I completely respected her and her decision for her family, I did not agree that it was right for me to follow suit. However, something inside of me really began to stir and the more I considered our conversation, the more uneasy I began to feel. My husband and I had extensive conversations on the subject, and we began to pray about the situation and set out to study and find out for ourselves what this holiday was really all about.

Thousands of years ago in Europe, there were groups of people known as the Celtics. The Celtic people were pagan Druids whose major celebrations were marked by the seasons. They were very superstitious and their lives depended on the growth of their crops and a successful harvest. They began a celebration known as the Samhain Festival (pronounced “sow” “en”), whereby they would observe the end of summer sacrifices to gods in Druidic tradition. Since Samhain is loosely translated “Summer’s End”, it was during this time that they would bring in the last of their crops, store up food, and prepare animals for slaughter and sacrifice. This was an important time for them as they celebrated the beginning of the “dark season” known as winter.

The Celts believed the curtain – or veil – dividing the living and the dead lifted during Samhain to allow the spirits of the dead to walk among the living, looking for bodies in which they could inhabit. They believed that Samhain – the lord of death – was sent by evil spirits to attack humans. The only way that the humans could escape was by wearing disguises and looking like the evil spirits themselves. It was thought that if one were dressed to appear as if they were already dead, the evil spirits might assume they were one of the ghostly spirits roaming about and leave them alone. It was also during this time that they would begin to carve out scary and ghoulish faces in turnips (which later became the carved pumpkins that we know today) in an effort to ward off the evil spirits. Spirits who were not suitably “treated” would “trick” those who had neglected them. The fear of haunting only multiplied if that spirit had been offended during its natural lifetime.

Samhain also became a time to honor the dead. They would set out food on their doorsteps for the wandering souls of the deceased. They would turn to divination to discern the future and seek protection. Many forms of witchcraft were employed and carried out during this time.

Another critical part of the celebration of Samhain was the lighting of large bonfires. These bonfires were thought to be a cleansing ritual and various symbolic acts would be performed during the fires, such as throwing the bones of newly slaughtered livestock into the flames and other forms of sacrifice.

After discovering the way that Halloween originated, I could no longer turn a blind eye to the fact that the history and practices of this holiday are rooted in spiritism and mysticism. As a believer in Jesus Christ, I cannot knowingly partake in anything that is in direct opposition to my beliefs. We do live in a spiritual world filled with both goodness from God and evil from Satan. Ephesians 6:12 states that “our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the powers, against the world forces of this darkness, against the spiritual forces of wickedness in the heavenly places.” However, Christ has power over all darkness and we do not have to live in fear!

Although we live in this world, we are not to be of this world. We are to separate ourselves from the darkness and allow Christ’s light to shine through us. I believe that Halloween allows us the opportunity to do just that – to separate ourselves from the rest of the world and live as an example for those that are searching for truth.

“And do not be conformed to this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.” ~ Romans 12:2

Letting Go...

The only things we can keep are the things we freely give to God.

What we try to keep for ourselves is just what we are sure to lose.

~ C.S. Lewis

There comes a time in all of our lives that we must let go of something or someone. Whether by choice or otherwise, letting go is never an easy thing to do. Sometimes we have the advantage of knowing ahead of time that the loss is coming. Other times we are caught off guard and the loss hits us so unexpectedly we wonder how we will ever possibly recover. Sometimes the loss is temporary. Other times the loss is permanent. Whatever the situation, we all face loss at various times throughout our lives and we must learn the best way to deal with it.

I had to deal with the loss of my dad unexpectedly. I was completely devastated. For the longest time I felt such a hole in my heart that I didn’t think it would ever heal. In so many ways, that loss seemingly tore my family apart. As a result, I not only lost my father, but I lost other relationships that were important to me. Death is a loss that is simply unspeakable for those that are left behind.

As recently as last week, I had to begin dealing with the loss of all of my children not being home during the day. Although it was an expected loss – my kids are growing up and my youngest started preschool – the hurt was still the same. I had to find a way to cope with the hole that was left in my heart. You see, my daughter was born prematurely and we didn’t know for sure if she would survive or not. She is truly a miracle!! I so treasure everyday that I have with her, that to send her off to school – even for half a day – was a really big loss for me. Yet everyday when I go to pick her up, she greets me with the biggest grin and runs into my arms. I am then reminded that letting go is part of the growing up process, and that is what I prayed for her for so long. I wanted her to be able to grow up and do all the normal things that other kids got to do. She is my answer to prayer.

Sometimes loss can be a good thing. Choosing to lose our anger, bitterness, resentment, or even jealousy is something that many of us need. This is not only an affordable loss, but a commanded one. Scripture teaches to “Put aside all anger, wrath, malice, slander, and abusive speech from your mouth.” ~ Colossians 3:8

My friend, what loss are you facing today? Is your loss temporary or permanent? Is there something that you are holding onto that you need to let go of? Whether your loss is unexpected or not, God knows the difficulty with which you struggle in letting go. He Himself faced loss when He allowed His only begotten son to suffer and die to save us from our sins. He not only understands how we feel, He also sympathizes with us. However, wanting only the best for each of us, He wants to walk alongside of you and carry you through this time. Allow Him to be your strength and comfort. Allow Him to fill the hole that is created by your loss. He loves you more than you can possibly imagine, and He is simply waiting for you to open your heart and invite Him in.

Quiet Time

“But Jesus Himself would often slip away to the wilderness and pray.”

~ Luke 5:16 ~

Have you ever wondered how Jesus was able to just speak and demons would flee, disease would disappear, and self-condemnation would self-destruct? We are told that we have the same power and authority that Jesus possessed, yet so often we walk in defeat instead of victory. Why do we seemingly struggle so greatly in these areas? Although it is true that we have an adversary that “prowls around like a roaring lion, seeking someone to devour” (1 Peter 5:8), we do not have to fall prey to his antics, nor do we have to remain oppressed!!

If we want to walk in the same authority and victory in which Jesus walked, we must learn to emulate Him in all His actions. The most important thing that Jesus ever did (outside of His crucifixion and resurrection) was to spend time with His Father. He was in such constant communication with Him that every time Satan tried to tempt Him or to cause Him harm or defeat, Jesus did not have to hesitate or question which decision to make. Jesus made a point to keep His quiet time with His Father. He learned to put His own will and desires aside in order to honor the will of His Father. He knew the will of His Father and He walked in the confidence and full authority of that knowledge.

I encourage you to take an honest look at your own life today. When was the last time you spent quality time with the Lord? When you prayed, did you do all the talking or did you take time to just listen? When you are faced with something that you really do not want, I hope that you can learn to do as Jesus did in Matthew 26:39, when He “fell on His face and prayed, saying…’yet not as I will, but as You will.’” Be encouraged, dear ones, for we were created for relationship with our Heavenly Father and He would love nothing more than to spend time with you today!!

"One Thing"

Have you ever wondered what kind of impact you have on other people’s lives? What kind of impression are you leaving behind? What would be said of you when your eulogy is read? There are times when we get to catch a glimpse into the hearts of those around us. We get to see how they truly feel about us. But more often than not, we are left wondering...Did I live out the life I wanted? Did I represent the “One Thing” I wanted?

We must first learn to define our “One Thing”. Whether we realize it or not, we all have that “One Thing” that is more important to us than any other. For some it may be a person. For others, it may be an object, a hobby, an obsession, etc. But everyone has something that consumes their heart, mind, time & money more than anything else. I know what I want my “One Thing” to be. For me, that is easy ~ Jesus Christ. I want to love Him, serve Him, honor Him in everything I say and do. I want to represent Him in my speech, in my actions, in my daily walk through life. I want people to see Him when they look at me. I want it to be abundantly clear what my “One Thing” is. I don’t want anyone to ever have to wonder where I stand on an issue or what I think about something. I want it to be known that the Bible is my only answer book and my guide to living.

I want to challenge you to first determine what your “One Thing” is. What (or whom) do you most want to represent? After you have discovered your “One Thing”, then begin to live it out. Make your life a true representation of who you are and who you want to become. God tells us in Revelation 3:16, “ So because you are lukewarm and neither hot nor cold, I will spit you out of my mouth.” Are you hot for God? Do you represent Him in everything you say or do? Don’t be lukewarm. Don’t give Him just your lip service, or just part of you. Don’t just give Him Sunday mornings, or a quick shout out whenever you are in desperate need. Don’t get caught at the end of your life with regrets that are too late to rectify. Don’t get caught having to spend an eternity separated from God because you would not make a stand now. Choose today your “One Thing” and live it out proudly!!

Obedience

When was the last time you knew that you were supposed to do something, yet for a vast array of reasons, you chose not do it? Yes, I just said the dreaded word – chose. Notice I didn’t just say “…yet for a vast array of reasons, you didn’t do it.” Sure, the reasons might each be respectable and valid, thus justifying your decision. However, it is still a decision. It is still a “choice”. Instead, I said the word “chose”. We often don’t stop to realize that all of our actions – or lack of actions – are choices.

We are continually being bombarded with choices. We choose everything from the seemingly mundane and insignificant to the most controversial. What will I wear today? What will I eat today? Will I drive or will I walk? How is my attitude? What are my most secretive thoughts – those of which only I am aware? Oh wait…but I am not. God knows them too!! Yet if I don’t allow myself to be conscientiously aware of His knowledge and interest in me, I can think whatever I want, whenever I want!! And so the dreaded cycle goes. We choose to do what we know is right or we choose to be disobedient. Whether we want to admit it or not, everything we do – or don’t do – is our choice.

I have recently faced this dreaded dilemma in my own personal life, trying to spin and justify my actions (or lack thereof) in anyway that seemingly allows me to get away with my own disobedience. God has placed something on my heart for a really long time that He wants me to do, but I am constantly trying to explain away my choice to not do what I know He has asked of me. In my mind, the reasons that I have given are completely valid and therefore justified. However, deep down I know that it really does not matter what reason I set forth, it is never okay to disobey God!! So with this realization and understanding, and my desire to please Him over my over-zealous ability to rationalize away my disobedience, I choose today to make different choices. I choose to be obedient!!

What has God asked you to do in your life that you have not yet chosen to do? Will you join me in living out Joshua 24:15? We must each choose for ourselves today whom we will serve. I choose to serve the Lord, knowing that in that choice I must also choose complete obedience – even when I don’t feel up to the challenge!!