Perfectionism = Legalism

Perfectionism = Legalism

OUCH!! This was my revelation this morning.

For those that know me well, you know that I wrestle constantly with perfection. Countless times I have began writing a book entitled “Perils of Perfection”, only to tear it up and begin again because it wasn’t “Perfect”. To many this may seem absurd. Of course I am not perfect, nor will I ever be (this side of Heaven). There was only one man that ever walked this earth that was perfect, and I am certainly not Him!! But despite my intellect continually screaming this reality at me, I continue to strive for perfection.

I have found this to be both a blessing and a curse. It is a blessing when it forces me to do my very best. It is a blessing when I am helping someone in need. I am certainly not going to give them less than my personal best! It is a blessing when it makes me want to be a better person.

It is a curse when it keeps me from accomplishing anything. It is a curse when my children feel like they are not “good enough” because my expectations are unrealistic and unattainable. It is a curse when it becomes so paralyzing that I can no longer function within the realms of reality.

Roughly 15 years ago, perfectionism almost became my complete undoing. After being faced with a situation ~ and ironically, actually succeeding at it ~ the stress of it came crashing over me so fiercely that it literally knocked me off my feet. Subsequently, I suffered an emotional breakdown, was forced to take a Family Medical Leave of Absence from my job, and began counseling. Unfortunately, the counseling did not help me at all, as it was not Bible-based, and thus we never truly addressed the root of the problem. I ended up quitting my job (which was where the problem began) and did a complete 180 on my career path. In essence, I swept the issue under the proverbial rug and entered back into my own sense of warped reality.

Fast forward now all these years later, and this past weekend I once again allowed perfectionism to overcome my physical self and try to paralyze and keep me from doing what I know God has called me to do. Although I did not immediately recognize it for what it was, I was blessed to be surrounded by people who unknowingly addressed the very issues I was internally battling.

As I began to contemplate the ramifications of what they were saying, the Holy Spirit began a new work within me. Over the course of the past 4 days, I have not been able to let go of this issue. Finally, I received a new revelation this morning.

Perfectionism = Legalism.

Ugh!!

As someone who grew up indoctrinated in legalism, I can assure you this is the last place I want to be!! And yet, here I am smack in the middle of it once again. You see, legalism tells you that if you do not follow the letter of the law, there is no hope for you. Legalism tells you that one mistake results in judgment and condemnation. Legalism tells you that you will never be “good enough”.

But my God tells me, “Therefore there is now no condemnation for those who are in Christ Jesus.” ~ Romans 8:1. My God tells me “He is the God of hope, and He will fill me with all joy and peace in believing, so that I will abound in hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” ~ Romans 15:13. My God says that “I am made in His image, according to His likeness. ~ Genesis 1:26.

So with this new revelation begins a new journey for me. I covet your prayers at this time in my life. Making character and identity changes are never an easy task. However, I am excited to live out 2 Corinthians 5:17, which states “If anyone is in Christ, he is a new creature; the old things passed away; behold, new things have come.” I am proud to say that I am a daughter of the King, and I am putting off my old self to become a new creation in Him.

I am going to start this journey by not correcting the mistakes that I have already found in this writing. For all of you English & Grammar majors, please do not cringe too much. J