This seems to be such a difficult concept for me to comprehend. In my last post I talked about how trusting God is not the same as having faith in Him. For most of us, believing that God exists is the easy part. Yet trust somehow seems to elude me. It is so easy for me to trust that God will deliver someone else from their circumstances, yet when it comes to my own situations I allow my insecurities to rule and steal away any joy that complete trust would afford me. I am beginning to learn that I need to break this down into simple steps that I can not only understand but also allow myself to follow.
First and foremost, I must remain steadfast in God's Word and in His presence. Unfortunately, this is a lot easier said than done. As a stay-at-home mom of four - at which time this is also currently summer break - "quiet time" seems to be a mere illusion. I have discovered that if I want to spend time with God, I must be deliberate in making time for Him. He is always ready and willing to meet me whenever and wherever, but I must take the initiative. Whenever I do make the time to spend with Him, I am always reprimanding myself for not doing it more often. Immediately His Holy Spirit pours over me and I receive a gift of refreshment and renewal. Oh the sweetness!!
Although I may not have the luxury of spending as much quantitative time with Him as I would like (unless of course I would make myself get up earlier each day), I make sure that the time I do give Him is quality time. I am learning to "pray without ceasing" (1 Thessalonians 5:17). As I go about my day, regardless of what I may be doing, I simply have an ongoing dialogue with God. It's okay to talk to God while I am doing the dishes, folding the laundry, or even changing a diaper. I just need to keep reminding myself to do a lot less speaking and a lot more listening.
I am also learning to be extremely cautious as to whom I let fill my head and heart with counsel. With so many well-meaning people, advice comes in droves. Everyone seems to have an opinion. Although most have pure intentions, it is only Godly wisdom for which I am looking. "For the despairing man there should be kindness from his friend; So that he does not forsake the fear of the Almighty." (Job 6:14).
We were created to worship our Heavenly Father, to praise His name in loving adoration. When we get down and out, our first instinct is to grumble and complain. That is when we need God the most! Yet sadly, it is during these times that we feel the least like praising. If I am to turn to my friend and say, "I am really struggling right now", I want someone that is going to say, "Let's pray". Then we drop everything then and there and we do it. In turn, I also want to be that kind of friend. Sure, it is easy to say, "I will be praying for you", or "You are in my prayers". And yes, while this may be true, why not pray right now?! We should always be seeking God's wisdom and encouragement, not only for ourselves but also for one another. He is the only way that we are going to get through our times of desperation and struggles that become too unbearable for us to carry alone. He tells us that He wants us to come to Him! Sadly, He is oftentimes the last place we turn instead of the first.
We become so angry with God for allowing certain situations to happen to us. We question everything from "Why"? to "How long will this last"? to "Do You even care about me"? We rationalize that He must not really care or He would not have allowed these things to happen. Yet we do not stop to think that maybe He allowed these things to happen because He does love us so much. Whatever His reasons, we will not fully understand them this side of Heaven. We cannot comprehend His reasons, nor His love for us. Which brings us back full circle - We must unconditionally TRUST HIM.
Heavenly Father, please teach me to trust You. Show me, Lord, everyday what that looks like. Help me, Father during my times of doubt and unbelief. Do not leave me in this mess in which You have found me. Pull me out of this miry clay and mold me into the person You want me to become. I want to be a person that reflects You and Your love for others. I want to be a person that trusts You with her whole heart and does not doubt Your love. Father, I confess to You my fears and uncertainties. Please meet me right where I am and do not tarry another moment. Father God, no matter what the outcome of my current situation, I choose You. From the depths of my soul I cry out to You. I want to go deeper - to the next level - but I know that takes walking through the fire. Carry me, Lord, through the flames. Burn off my disbelief and my confusion. Father I ask You to create in me a hunger and thirst for You that is never satisfied. I want You to be my all-consuming passion. I don't want to live another moment in my limited understanding or beliefs. I want You to teach me Your ways, Father. Teach me to walk in them, teach me to live by them. Whatever You have for me, Lord, I want - whatever the cost. Thank you Father for never giving up on me. Thank you for loving me so completely and so unconditionally. Thank you for calling me friend. Amen.
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